Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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