My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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