there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm always down for nudity.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
