how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
