I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
