Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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