she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
