forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
