sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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