Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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