We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
