The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
