We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
