remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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