how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
