Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
