You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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