Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
