he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
