thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
