Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
