You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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