i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize