no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
