I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
