Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
