found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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