I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
