i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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