so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
