i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
