dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Houston, we have a blender
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
