how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
