I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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