Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
