if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
