When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
