eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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