Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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