woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
