sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
