a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
