i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
