I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
