im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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