OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
