To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
