I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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