I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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