I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
