my mouth tastes like poor choices
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
