dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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