Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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