I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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