i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
