Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
