just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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