My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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