My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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