It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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