Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
